Oasis - 30 April.

[POB]

Been a couple of days since I went to see the Oasis concert at the "Estadio Nacional" and I have got my thoughts round it now...

First things first I got robbed...More about that later. Here´s an idea for you though, and it is eventually relevant. If your girlfriend doesn´t speak English, teach her a few classic phrases. One that my GF now knows is "I hope your next sh!t´s a slowly revolving pineapple."

And I can still never remember which of the brothers is which...So if I say Noel, and you say, "But he doesn´t play the guitar!" just swap the name for Liam. And vice versa and all that...

Another thought don´t take your non-English-speaking GF to an English concert, she will only interupt ALL the fncking time with stupid questions to which there is no real answer..."What is the significance of "Champagne Supernova?"" etc...

I paid loads for good seat tickets about half way down stage left. Arriving at the stadium early (1800 for a 2100 start.) I discovered that in the crush (Everyone had the same idea I think; very unusual for South Americans.) someone had slashed the pocket on my trousers and stolen my tickets. (And 20 Soles, not that important...)

Having cleared the first round of security there was nothing to do but go back out of the area and try to see if I could buy more...I know it´s wrong and all that, I managed to buy a couple more tickets for a little over face value on the street, but about as far from the stage as possible...Still, we had tickets...

Until some Cnut, ripped them and my camera out of hands and did a runner. I was seriously annoyed by now, but had to smile as "She who does not speak English," shouted "**** off you red nosed cnut!" at his rapidly dissappearing form. There was by now a clear area around me as I ranted and laughed at the same time...I still had money and there were still touts on the street selling of tickets. It had become a matter of principle now, I was going to se Oasis even if it killed me!

I got two more tickets and slipped them down the front of my trousers, hoping that LittlePOB could look after them better than I had so far managed...

 

[POB]

Getting through the first part of security was easy...Flash your tickets, and walk through...The Sy guys were all saying, "Keep your tickets in your hand..." Yea, right, I´m not falling for that one again...So back down with LittlePOB they went.

The second Sy check was a pat down and another ticket check. "Whats that in your pocket Gringo?" I was asked. Mobile phone, smokes and a tissue. "Show me." demanded the man mountain who was going to get seriously annoyed in a moment when he asked for my tickets and I produced a slightly damp, feintly scampi fry smelling ticket...

And then the cnut threw my smokes away! "Can´t take them in!"

"Mate, if you knew the hassle I´ve had today just getting this far, you´d have a bit of decency and let me keep them!"

"Move on Gringo as5hole..."

GF was laughing at me from the girly search area. (She hates me smoking!) I was getting a little aroused at the site of her being frisked by a rather tasty sy girl...I digress...

We eventually moved into the stadium to be comfronted with a fairly conventional set up. Big stage, flanked by two 20ft screens and closer to us a huge 40ft screen centered at would be the opposite penalty area.

It was still only half 6, and we had fantastic seats, a good view and there not that many people in yet...Great.

I mentioned Beer, and my moral guidance said, OK, but only one..."FFS, it´s a concert, they serve beer and Noel (Liam???) is going to be calling us all the cnuts under the sun in a few hours. Get used to it darling!" Kind of came out as, "OK sweetie, just for you, I´ll just have the one."

 

[POB]

I went for a beer as the sound system was linked into the the local radio station who were sponsoring the concert. I like Oasis and all that, but they played Oasis track after Oasis track, occasionally spaced with a Beatles number. FFS, play something different! We´re just about to get LOADS of that, play something else!!!

I knew the beer would be a bit pricey, but to find that it was being served in plastic beakers, at nearly 10 pounds (South American keyboard - no pound sign.) for a half litre...FFS, being robbed again!

I bought one beer...

"Didn´t you get me one?"

"No, now fnck off, and let be grumpy on my own."

She disappeared...Result.

Only to return 5 minutes later with one of her sisters.

Oh, joy. She didn´t get the sarcasm.

The warm up act came on and I was really rather impressed...I can´t for the life of me remember their name, but they played 35 minutes of good Latino rock, a cover or two (An excellent version of The Sex Pistols´"Anarchy in the UK!") and generally got the crowd going...


Should have mentioned this earlier...There is a spell checker on this machine, but it does not have English...You´ll have to put up with the spelling mistakes...

 

[POB]

The concert itself was......

OK.

And that´s why I feel robbed again.

Noel (Liam?) left the stage for a breather, and Liam (Noel?) introduced "Wonderwall" and then didn´t sing but we all did...35,000 (Or so) latinos shouting out the words...Awesome. The crowd new some of the Oasis standards, but not all...I felt that me and the one or two other Brits in the stadium were the only ones singing along to "Cigarettes and Alcohol," and they could never quite get their collective head round "Don´t Look Back..."

1 hour and 45 minutes. Of Oasis being fantastic. Not a cross word out of place, only one swear word, Liam, (Noel; the singer, anyway.) telling us that we "Were the best, the fncking best. I love Lima, I love your country!" His brother had earlier asked the crowd if this was their National Stadium..

"Yes!" We shouted back at him.

"Are you going to the World Cup?" He asked.

"No!" We replied.

"Oh, well, I´ll get me coat then."

"Why, are you cold?" shouted a couple of the better English speakers. Oh well, I think that´s kind of my point really. Just tame...

I really enjoyed the concert but Oasis were perfect...Too perfect? No swearing, no bad mouthing Robbie Williams. Chris Martin remained, in public at least, completely unmolested. They were on and off with as little fuss as they could manage...No encoure. Just a five minute break towards the end...

FFS, it was a rock concert and at one stage people were sitting down!

I feel as if I was mugged by more than just the cnut in the black hoodie...