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Off side explained so awoman can understand it.

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gemarriott

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The Offside Rule - For Girls

In preparation for the World Cup, the "offside rule" explained for women:

You're in a shoe shop, second in the queue for the till. Behind the shop assistant on the till is a pair of shoes which you have seen and which you must have....

The female shopper in front of you has seen them also and is eyeing them with desire. Both of you have forgotten your purses. It would be rude to push in front of the first woman if you had no money to pay for the shoes.

The shop assistant remains at the till waiting.

Your friend is trying on another pair of shoes at the back of the shop and sees your dilemma. She prepares to throw her purse to you. If she does so, you can catch the purse, then walk round the other shopper and buy the shoes! At a pinch she could throw the purse ahead of the other shopper and "whilst it is in flight" you could nip around the other shopper, catch the purse and buy the shoes!

BUT, you must always remember that until the purse has "actually been thrown", it would be plain wrong for you to be in front of the other shopper and you would be OFFSIDE!
 
Great explanation, however, what happens if someone jumps the line but then doesn't buy the shoes? Would that initial jumping be considered rude and cause instant swearing or would everyone calm down when they realised the shoes weren't sold to the queue jumper but to the person second inline???????

Maybe the shop manager could act as a kind of referee in these instances and give verdicts based on what they saw and only sell shoes to the correctly entitled shopper (Could they use CCTV footage to aid their decisions?)
 
Last edited:
4everAD said:
(Could they use CCTV footage to aid their decisions?)
Click to expand...

NO NO NO. Despite the technology being in situ, and it taking bare milliseconds to get a definitive answer, the CEO of the shoe chain refuses to sanction its use as this would "stop debate/opinion".
 
gemarriott said:
The Offside Rule - For Girls

In preparation for the World Cup, the "offside rule" explained for women:

You're in a shoe shop, second in the queue for the till. Behind the shop assistant on the till is a pair of shoes which you have seen and which you must have....

The female shopper in front of you has seen them also and is eyeing them with desire. Both of you have forgotten your purses. It would be rude to push in front of the first woman if you had no money to pay for the shoes.

The shop assistant remains at the till waiting.

Your friend is trying on another pair of shoes at the back of the shop and sees your dilemma. She prepares to throw her purse to you. If she does so, you can catch the purse, then walk round the other shopper and buy the shoes! At a pinch she could throw the purse ahead of the other shopper and "whilst it is in flight" you could nip around the other shopper, catch the purse and buy the shoes!

BUT, you must always remember that until the purse has "actually been thrown", it would be plain wrong for you to be in front of the other shopper and you would be OFFSIDE!
Click to expand...

This is true. But what you may see is that the shopper in front of you without the money, sees your friend about to throw the purse to you. In order to prevent you buying the shoes, she is completely entitled to take the place BEHIND you in the queue (without you moving), and thus prevent you from making a purchase even if you catch the purse.........though generally this only occurs in North London slum areas.
 
I prefer to watch the slightly butch looking women who is rucking and mauling over another pair of shoes...after winning the physical struggle without holeing her stocking by putting her knees on the floor during the scrap she then flatly spin passes the slingbacks 25 yards to her mate at the till who promptly pays for them...Afterwards to celebrate they both bathe together then shoot down a winebar to shotgun 4 gallons of Lambrini, have a bit of a sing song about dickey-dildo's and sh1t themselves for a quid...

Anything else is just gay...
 
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