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shiny1980

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I was wondering if someone could tell me if any drafters take into consideration the domestic circumstances of individuals? Both myself and other half are RAF but not married. Been together for years and have a child. Just wondered if there is an RAF definition of family that I don't meet and if it is deemed to be ok to split our 'family' up just because we haven't rushed out and got married.
Is it fair that 2 people who just meet and get married after a few months get a posting over someone in a stable relationship with a child but don't feel the need to get married.
Sorry i know I am moaning but slightly sad at the prospect of bringing up my child without her dad mon-fri.
 
See the colocation thread - even married serving couples can get separated.

Life in a blue suit.
 
Well if like you say you've been together for years why not get married now (as your not rushing into it) and the problem is solved....IF you think that will help ?

You both signed on the dotted line and knew what you were getting into.....

Crack on...............:PDT_Xtremez_09:
 
HotspurIDO said:
See the colocation thread - even married serving couples can get separated.

Life in a blue suit.
Click to expand...


Mrs mmj posted soon I'm trying to be as proactive as possible to get a move (application for a post in fingers crossed) but even with co location its all up to me to find a spot where i can be with my wife and keep my family together.

me and the wife will be apart 400 miles plus so cant even do monday to friday, when i seperated from the ex they moved over 10 hours travelling time away and the RAF would not move me closer to my kids, kind of the same deal as you (define family) i only wanted to be close to my girls.

after fifteen years of being mucked around im using the system to keep my family together but i am being pro active and pushing for the move i want
 
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MMJ, I have read your previous threads and drama's and I feel for you. I appreciate your situation and I have tried on numerous occasions to try and help myself. I also have tried to be proactive and according to the 'list' then I should realistically be assigned to the next vacant post in my area however when enquiring it turns out it was filled a few months back. Should not have been vacant until summer and i was led to believe manning worked on posts 5 months before. I also have the barrier of not being of appropriate rank to manage my own career and speak to manning. I realise what people are saying about getting married and life in a blue suit but I think the whole looking after you family does not really fit with todays RAF. Maybe they should still make it that if you were pregnant then you have to leave.
 
Mrs Reheat and I had to travel between Lossie and Leeming for 3 years until we got married and she was then posted down to me within 6 months. Your trades and vacancies at the camp you wish to co-locate to will be a big factor, we were lucky enough to be trade group 1 so loads of slots everywhere. Use the comments box at the bottom of your JPA preferences to outline your situation, that was the advice given to me. Apparently they have a massive bearing on future potings
 
shiny1980 said:
I was wondering if someone could tell me if any drafters take into consideration the domestic circumstances of individuals? Both myself and other half are RAF but not married. Been together for years and have a child. Just wondered if there is an RAF definition of family that I don't meet and if it is deemed to be ok to split our 'family' up just because we haven't rushed out and got married.
Is it fair that 2 people who just meet and get married after a few months get a posting over someone in a stable relationship with a child but don't feel the need to get married.
Sorry i know I am moaning but slightly sad at the prospect of bringing up my child without her dad mon-fri.
Click to expand...

I'm guessing you are PStat 2 and your OH is PStat 5. That gives you a right to a FQ should you get posted and your OH gets a room in the block, and thats about it. Sorry for sounding blunt, but if being together is that important, why not take a trip down to the local registry office? That way you increase your chances of a co-location dramatically - because at the end of the day, you both will be posted at some stage, particularly now that Projects Appollo & Zeus have Tour Review Dates set up so that a drafter actually has to do something at that point or justify his/her non-action.

Ultimately your lifestyle choice may well come back to bite you on the ar$e.
 
shiny1980 said:
I was wondering if someone could tell me if any drafters take into consideration the domestic circumstances of individuals? Both myself and other half are RAF but not married. Been together for years and have a child. Just wondered if there is an RAF definition of family that I don't meet and if it is deemed to be ok to split our 'family' up just because we haven't rushed out and got married.
Is it fair that 2 people who just meet and get married after a few months get a posting over someone in a stable relationship with a child but don't feel the need to get married.
Sorry i know I am moaning but slightly sad at the prospect of bringing up my child without her dad mon-fri.
Click to expand...

Whilst the cliche brigade have already hit you with "life in a blue suit" and "you signed on the dotted line" - and I know these statements won't make you or your family feel any better, they are unfortunately correct. I sympathise with your situation, a long time ago I had the choice of being a weekend warrior or getting married to spend every day with my daughter - I got married. A personal choice but one which I haven't regretted, you'll never get those days with the little un back. Failing that you will both have to keep pushing for co-location down the official route and/or the possibility of getting a unit(s) close to each other. As has already been said, even if you do get married you are liable to be posted apart.
Clearly the time with your child is very important to you and if it means that much then you and your missus are going to have to either make the best of a bad situation or make some difficult decisions. Either way best of luck.
 
At the end of the day, you are married or you aren't. There has to be a line drawn in the sand somewhere that is defines a commited relationship. Having a child places you in exactly the same situation as a divorced or separated couple; one of you can apply for SFA for the benefit of the child but the other is entitled to SLA like anyone else. Everyone has the option of marriage/civil partnership so the decision not to treated as a 'couple' is yours. You both have a commitment for life of your child so why not for each other?

Good luck whatever you decide.
 
A friend of mine just got married after been with his partner (both in the Army) after a relatively short relationship. During a conversation regarding marriage/kids/life in general, he pointed out, very correctly in my opinion, that having children was a much bigger commitment than getting married to someone. You say you already have a child together.....then it should be easy, get married too :) You don't have to believe in marriage as a measure of your relationships stability, but if it helps you all stay together as a unit, then the choice should be easy, it's only a piece of paper at the end of the day....
 
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