Welcome to E-Goat :: The Totally Unofficial Royal Air Force Rumour Network
Join our free community to unlock a range of benefits like:
  • Post and participate in discussions.
  • Send and receive private messages with other members.
  • Respond to polls and surveys.
  • Upload and share content.
  • Gain access to exclusive features and tools.
Join 7.5K others today

Wimmin'.....................!

  • Thread starter Thread starter grumpyoldb
  • Start date Start date
  • Following weeks of work, the E-GOAT team are delighted to present to you a new look to the forums with plenty of new features. Take a look around and see what you think!
Trending This Week
View More Trending
G

grumpyoldb

Guest
After thirty years as a married man, I thought I had possibly seen all the empty headed things that the "fairer sex" could do/forget to do/couldn't be arsed doing.

Two days ago, I was asked if "she" could use my 4x because the weather was bad. OK. No probs. I happened to jokingly say to a friend that there's probably something wrong with her car.

I know that she know's feck all about them, so I put her car on a maintenance contract. Once a year, drop it into the garage, they will give you a car for the day, and pick it up on the way home. Full service, and MOT. Off you go .

Once every three months, call into the garage, and while you have a courtesy cup of coffee, they will check the oil, water, tyres, w/screen washers etc.

Easy, isn't it.???

Today, I went to move her car. Started it up, and it sounds like a road diggers drill. Off with the engine, pop the bonnet, out with the dipstick.........................................Nothing. Dry as a camels @rsehole.

OK. When was it last in the garage?

I don't know!

What do you mean, you don't know?

I forgot!

Turns out it was a year ago for the MOT.

I put some oil in it, started it up and yup, it's still knocking.
It went away on the back of a recovery truck an hour ago.

I wouldn't mind if she was blonde!:PDT_Xtremez_31:

It'll be my fault. It always is.
 
Well, she can't even use the excuse that the dipstick isn't long enough!!!
From the sound of the engine, you need to teach her a practical lesson about big ends.
Fnar Fnar :PDT_Xtremez_15:
 
This is not an isolated incident.

My Mrs phoned me on Monday to inform me that the oil light had illuminated on her dashboard. My heart sank as the thought of my bank balance was about to diminish very rapidly. She then pipes up that it says 'MIN' on the little screen. Mass relief for me, so I asked her when she last checked her oil level. 'Never' she replies.

It's alright for her not to 'DI' her car, but if I leave the bog seat up..............
 
The_Chicken said:
This is not an isolated incident.

My Mrs phoned me on Monday to inform me that the oil light had illuminated on her dashboard. My heart sank as the thought of my bank balance was about to diminish very rapidly. She then pipes up that it says 'MIN' on the little screen. Mass relief for me, so I asked her when she last checked her oil level. 'Never' she replies.

It's alright for her not to 'DI' her car, but if I leave the bog seat up..............
Click to expand...

Mine did exactly the same with the coolant.
 
Many years ago..about 21 I think!...I had been putting money away each month for quite a while to get a newer car without the ex Mrs V knowing as I knew it would just be spent on tat. Coming back one sunday afternoon from visiting the in laws I was bimbling down the M56 when the inevitable happened and the oil light came on with a bit of a noise. Better pull over dear there's something wrong I says.......back came the typical I know better reply........Don't worry about that, my father did this my mother did that, they;ve been driving for years and so have I......just carry on it'll be alright just put some oil in when we get home...so I thought ...Well sod you then woman....... Duly gets home a few miles down the road and reminds her to get some oil the following day after I had cycled to work the following day...... Gets a call the following morning complianing that the car had come to a sudden halt as she had taken the kids 1 /2 mile to school.....what should she do?......You and your parents know best call them!

Needless to say we went our seperate ways a short while after...and been happy ever since!
 
Just do what I do, don't let her drive. It makes the roads that little bit safer as there is one less female attempting to drive and if a taxi is needed after beer has been drunk, make her pay for it!
 
My Missus wears contact lenses, has done since before I met her 8 years ago. Anyway, she's driving home from the supermarket last week with me in the passenger seat and our 18 month girl in the back. As we got to an unlit dual carriage way (with an unlit roundabout in about 400 yds) she decides to tell me that she can't see anything.... anything?

She then tells me she's been "unable to "see anything" for years, her prescritpion must be wrong".

Ok, well you're not driving again till you go to an opticians and get your eyes sorted, you crazy DOB!!
 
Christ where do I start with my missus?

She can't drive which has it's setbacks at times but the fact that as has been stated that there is one less dopey arse on the road far outweighs the negatives.

Latest examples where her arguing with me over the times to cook the chicken. What was a basic basic maths problem she somehow managed to turn it into an all out argument. I was right.

I had to explain to her the other day why you can't put metal spoons in a microwave.

I've caught her once before where she was just about to go digging around in a Toaster with a metal knife. Maybe I shouldn't have switched it off for her.

She switched the iron on whilst it was resting on top of a plastic bag. I smell something burning and immediately run into the kitchen, find the source of the smell, switch it off and promptly bollock her for being so ****ing stupid.

I got the blame for it for leaving a plastic bag on the counter.

Cracking shag though! :PDT_Xtremez_28:
 
Most definately an urban myth, but it still tickles me to think of the bird that (supposedly) went into a garage and asked for someone to check her 710 fluid.
 

Attachments

  • 710.jpg
    710.jpg
    14.7 KB · Views: 0
Boots said:
Most definately an urban myth, but it still tickles me to think of the bird that (supposedly) went into a garage and asked for someone to check her 710 fluid.
Click to expand...

*****

I heard it was an MT lass who went into MTSS and asked them about the 710 fluid.

I can believe that:PDT_Xtremez_28:
 
I have never learned to drive. Neither has she-who-must.

We use buses, taxis, trains, planes, shoes, bicycles and boats on our regular travels and have never once argued about servicing the car as we don't have one, never have and probably never will.

We don't pay road tax, insurance, ridiculous garage charges, city centre parking, congestion charge or any of the other costs that all car owners seem to whinge continually about.

So the NAT solution is... keep the wife, bin the motor.
 
The_Chicken said:
This is not an isolated incident.

My Mrs phoned me on Monday to inform me that the oil light had illuminated on her dashboard. My heart sank as the thought of my bank balance was about to diminish very rapidly. She then pipes up that it says 'MIN' on the little screen. Mass relief for me, so I asked her when she last checked her oil level. 'Never' she replies.

It's alright for her not to 'DI' her car, but if I leave the bog seat up..............
Click to expand...


To be fair I know blokes who don't know how to open their car bonnets let alone check the oil. One numpty I know paid a Merc stealership something like 12 quid to fill the washer bottle, part of £270 odd for an (A) service on a crappy old 190 with over 150,000 on the clock.
 
When I left the mob to join the fuzz the missus and kids stayed in our MQ until she was discharged. She drove the 451+ miles from Buchan to the midlands so I could see her and the nippers. When I got in the car on the friday evening to go out for some fodder I drove about 100 yards before I needed to brake. Que a tooth rattling judder across the front of the car and a very nasty grinding noise. When I got back to where we were staying she said sh ethourght it was normal. In the month and a half I left her with the car she managed to crack and warp both front brake discs and wear the pads down to the rivits.

This from the same woman who put water in the power steering. How is she to know the yellow lid with the windscreen wiper picture on is for the screen wash and not the brown one with the picture of a streering wheel.:PDT_Xtremez_43:
 
Not about cars but.... Went into the bar one night for a couple of quiet ones, and got chatting to the barmaid. I finished my pint and put the glass on the bar, and she asks if i want another. Says i "is the Pope a Nazi??". Well, cue utter confusion, as she replies "The Pope? I thought he was dead!". Well i couldn't help but laugh, and she got a bit of a monk on, but eventually i got my pint.

Went back to the bar about 3 days later, same barmaid is on duty. First thing she says to me when i go in is "There is! there is!". Perplexed, i asked what the smeg she was talking about. "There is a Pope, they elected a new one! I went on the internet and found out about it! But why do you call him a Nazi, he is Catholic?"

All i could do was shake my head and try and hold my sides together. Bless em.
 
I find it quite easy to check fluid levels, tyre pressure etc. I call into my garage and have the nice man do it all for me for free.

I know that right now the car fluids are all at the correct levels but I know also know that a Rover 75 connoisseur does not make a very good off roader and do not fair well when used to plough a field :PDT_Xtremez_31:
 
The Saudis have it right with this one. Don't let wimmin drive.

The wife did exactly the same as the OP's and let the car run dry. Then she failed to spot the vibration comming from the back end.

Well, when I say vibration, it could have passed for an earthquake; both back wheels were shaped like eggs.

Shaped like eggs after a certain day when she "slipped off the clutch" and drove up a pavement at 50 mph. How the feck do you slip off the clutch?

Then the manifold went. "I though it had been a bit loud the last few weeks" sez she when I pointed to the blood comming from my ears as she started it up the other day.

I could go on for days.
 
Last edited:
gmacca said:
Just do what I do, don't let her drive. It makes the roads that little bit safer as there is one less female attempting to drive and if a taxi is needed after beer has been drunk, make her pay for it!
Click to expand...

I'm the first to admit that I'm not that bright when it comes to cars. Only 6 months ago I phoned my husband in frustration because every time I tried to pop the boot the bonnet opened instead. When he asked why I wanted in the boot so badly I explained that I a light had come on on the dash so I needed to check the oil level....he won't let me live that down. At least I knew to check the oil though.

Maybe I don't know my front from my back but I have been driving for a year and a half without incident while Mr Crabbit has been driving for 2 years and has already done the following:

1. reversed into a stationary car while driving a SIF van
2. reversed into a low wall while parking
3. started the car (after leaving it in gear) and smashed a headlight into a concrete flowerpot
4. has just had to pay off a speeding fine so he can be let back into US on duty.

Maybe in this family only women should drive! :PDT_Xtremez_15:
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top