Relationships (Raf Regt and RAF in general)

[SimpleSimon]

Hi folks,

Mods feel free to move this, wasn't too sure where to put it but this seemed as good a place as any.

I'm just after some opinions/advice from those in the know.
I'm already part way through my application to the RAF Regiment, it's something I've wanted for years and despite a few wobbly periods the idea was always there. So now i'm going for it full tilt.
My girlfriend is great about it, supportive and understands its something I've always wanted to do. But, she has her own career and it probably won't really be practical for us to think about living together once I get in. So I'll be living on base wherever that may be, and she'll be in her own place. I've heard mixed things from people about relationships in the RAF Regt and forces in general, some say it's a single man's life other say it's easy to keep a strong relationship going. Just after any experienced points of view, basically. I'm not an idiot, I know we'll have to work hard to keep things sweet and I know there'll be times when the two of us won't be seeing eachother for various reasons and various periods of time. But how hard is it really on a day-to-day scale?
Please no smart arse comments, etc I'm just after experiences from those who have been there before me!

Thanks guys and girls

 

[Sospan]

Relationships whilst serving in the RAF are difficult and no more so than in the Regiment, you will experience things on your Sqn that your family will never understand or be able to sympathize with. Your family life will be quite turbulent with short notice deployments and being told you will be home then told not! However the RAF is certainly mindful of all these situations and where viable they are trying to do things about it.

As for life when you are at home it really depends on your job/base and how far you are from your family. There are many systems of support in place should you choose to use them.

Please don't think its all bad, its tough but not imposible....

Good luck with your application.

 

[Talk Wrench]

Service life has its benefits and pitfalls, just like any other walk of life. Some people thrive in their relationships when they are seperated. Others fold when they are together.

Nobody can really say, because relationships are as individual as the individuals who make up the relationship!

TW

 

[lisab]

It totally depends on how strong your relationship is. If you are in it for the long haul ie you foresee marriage etc then it can work it will be hard but not impossible, however, you will have temptation to deal with! Living as a singly on camp but being in a relationship takes a lot of will power, depends on what sort of person you are!!!

 

[gemarriott]

Long distance relationships are doomed to fail. Sorry but if she isn't prepared to join you in your future career dump her and look for one that will. That's what I think for what it's worth. It's also what I did and I don't regret it.

 

[Dave-exfairy]

I've known relationships break up due to the pressures of service life and marriages survive the pressures of service life, no-one can tell!
As a plus, I ran into an old friend the other night and it turns out he's a Sgt rock at Honnington, he's married and his wife lives with their family in N Wales, so it is possible.

 

[FOMz]

Long distance relationships are doomed to fail. Sorry but if she isn't prepared to join you in your future career dump her and look for one that will. That's what I think for what it's worth. It's also what I did and I don't regret it.

Fair remark there Gem, the current Mrs FOMz was in the Navy when we met, so we were both apart a lot at the begining,so she finds it easier to understand why I'm away a lot and deal with it. As for careers; She's got a cracking career and she will be earning more than me in March, so her having a full and fruitful career is more than possible.

 

[Kernow]

Long distance relationships are doomed to fail. Sorry but if she isn't prepared to join you in your future career dump her and look for one that will. That's what I think for what it's worth. It's also what I did and I don't regret it.

Are you saying I should bin the missus before my next det as I dont think she will want to join me?DT_Xtremez_35:

It will be a real test of how strong your relationship is, especially as you are starting at the bottom of a long career and a way of life neither of you have experienced before. There is no reason why it shouldnt work just both of you really need to have your eyes wide open to the strain it will have and be prepared to put the time in to make it work.

 

[SimpleSimon]

Thanks for the input guys. Most of you have said what I'd pretty much guessed. That it depends on the relationship and the individuals involved.

As for me and my girlfriend, we've talked about it and both knew I'd be doing this before we started to get serious, so I think it'll help that it's always been on the cards for us rather than completely out of the blue. Her career is quite stable and predictable anyway, which should make it easier for us to plan around eachother.

 

[3wheeledtechie]

TBH it may be a lot to do with how mature a person you are. Not necessarily age, but being in the forces will change you as a person, and if you want to be a rock especially, you'll be under a certain amount of pressure (sometimes self induced) to fit in once you get to a Squadron. What this means exactly we won't discuss here, but if you're of a shy and retiring nature, pound to a pinch of sh!t that'll change within 6 months of getting there. That goes for lineys on flying squadrons as well in general.

 

[stripey999]

Simplesimon, like Lisab said,it depends on how strong your relatioship is. When I joined, I had been married for 2 years and I knew that my training, first tour then further training would take me 2 years to do. My wife kept her career at our original home and I became a weekend husband. After that she joined me and apart from her thinking she was in charge of the remote control, everything was fine. Since then, I have had 2 other years in the mess with no problems.

Many service wives try to change locations with their company to keep the career going.

 

[Stax]

Its not so much your relationships with the opposite sex, you will find your old mates from school/college etc will change before your very eyes. You will go places, do things and see things that none of your civvy mates will ever understand. Sailor Stax has only been in fro 3 months and has already experienced that whilst he has been on Xmas leave. The only lads from school he still gets on with are a soldier, a matelot and a lad who has just finished at Halton!

BTW I have been married more than 27 years, but I met Mrs Stax after I joined up.

 

[Nec Aspera Terrent]

All relationships need work.

Relationships with periods of enforced absence require more work.

If the work goes in, the rewards are worth it.

 

[ZebrasKneecaps]

I'm with GEM on this all the way. As many people on here have already said, its down to the type of people you are and I think also if she really does know what it will be like.

When I first joined up, I had a girlfriend and so we found it hard at first to adjust when I first went to Halton. I then went to Cosford for about 14 months, being a weekend boyfriend which wasn't really that bad as she lived with her folks in Chester at the time. After that, I was given my first posting to RAF Aldergrove and for 18 months, I was back once a month. We got married and she moved out to NI, within 6 months we were separated and then divorced a few months afterwards. What she found hard was because of my job I had, I would come home in the afternoon, pack a bag and go away to the mainland for a few weeks. she had no control and at one point went to see my boss and demanded I came home!!! This wasn't even for a full detachment so god knows what would have happened then.

I'm married again now, and the current Mrs BB is a star. We've got through a fair few 4 monthers, a 3 day job that turned into a month while I was there (went down well over the phone) and all this while she's looking after 4 kids all under 6. We are even moving out to Las Vegas for 3 years in 11 days.

I realised that i started off all doom and gloom and it is VERY hard work to keep it all together, but it is possible if you can find the right person, and when you do, its the best life you can have with mates that will last forever.

Hope I've helped in some way and best of luck to you both DT_Xtremez_14:

 

[vim_fuego]

It rarely works out...Penny to a pinch of sh1t you'll get a base geographically as far away as possible...When you are at 'home' you're watching the clock thinking 'only 13 hours to go before I set off...just time to iron my kit and squeeze in a quick walk etc'...You'll be the one who turns down the weekend plans that your new buddies have made...the ones that allow you to bond and get to really know your oppo's before you deploy somewhere...as you want an early stack again on Friday to sneak another couple of hours at home...

The bean stealing tends to come later on in your career when you find a house that you like and your kids are in a school and are settled...If you do it from the beginning you're going to miss out on some important and enjoyable stages of your time in the RAF...and eventually, perhaps, experience exclusion after you disappear home all the time...

 

[SimpleSimon]

Thanks for all the replies folks.
Some encouraging, others less so!

I guess myself and Ms SimpleSimon will have to wait and see before we really know what it will be like for us. But neither of us is under the illusion that it will be easy, and both of us are willing to give it all the effort needed to make it work. Neither of us is really th clingy type so i can't see there being problems with me spending equal amounts of time with my squadron mates as with her.

 

[tats]

Thanks for all the replies folks.
Some encouraging, others less so!

I guess myself and Ms SimpleSimon will have to wait and see before we really know what it will be like for us. But neither of us is under the illusion that it will be easy, and both of us are willing to give it all the effort needed to make it work. Neither of us is really th clingy type so i can't see there being problems with me spending equal amounts of time with my squadron mates as with her.

Wait and see with that one, after you've spent lengthy time apart, it may change.

 

[Gingerburd]

It can work it is difficult and sometimes MrsSimpleSimon will be frustrated/Annoyed /****ed off as plans have a habit of changing like that and your cosy weekend plans goupin smoke, if shes strong she'll stick with it.Goodluck

Speaking as one who knows

 

[wobbly]

Also, what hasn't been considered so far is children. I've been married for 18 years and have two teenagers with my eldest being 15 in June. Since my eldest has been around I've spent over 4 years away from home, thats a big pill to swallow mate and something you can't get back.

Engineers on my Sqn spend 4-6 months away a year so god knows what the Regiment Squadrons are doing.

Can any Regiment lads that are on a Squadron shine a light on this?

Another thing is that your girlfriend has to be a of strong character to avoid being a pain in the ass when your away. I've seen lads calling home everyday because their girlfriends are so lost without them. Ive also seen the same girlfriends say they will bin their fellas if they don't call them everyday too. This puts an amazing amount of stress in the individual which they can do without as they need to be focused and switched on constantly. What your girlfriend has to do is get on with their life when your away and leave it up to contact her when you're away as you will not be able to call home when you want to due to comms being down (minimise) and other unforeseen things happening.

 

[3wheeledtechie]

It can work it is difficult and sometimes MrsSimpleSimon will be frustrated/Annoyed /****ed off as plans have a habit of changing like that and your cosy weekend plans goupin smoke, if shes strong she'll stick with it.Goodluck

Speaking as one who knows

Too right. When your bird's got her hair/nails/whatever done, planned a special weekend cos you're coming home, and you get delayed several times, before finally someone admits the kite is fully broke and ain't going anywhere, and they'd better find another means of getting 100 of you home, leading to 10 days delay, that's typically when they crack. That and when you come back home, dump all your stinky kit, and after some nookie, just wanna get out on the beers with yer mates, can lead to tears before bedtime.

Don't say you weren't warned...