Out of the mouths of babes

[Tin basher]

Things the little darlings say that make you go WHAT!!!!!!

Tonight has been the final of some Channel 4 Gok Gwan thing on telly so Mrs TB says

"Oh I hope one of these two wins"

"You could be right dear they are down to the last two contestants". DOH!!!!!

More choice quotes from your ladies please gents.DT_Xtremez_42:

 

[Geeza]

Yes my wife was also watching and was ecstatic that she had correctly guessed the winner . . . well it was 50:50 but I didn't spoil her moment of glory!

 

[Hammer and stillson]

While testing a car with the wife the salesman in the back mentions the auto-cruise and how it controls the speed of the car, the wife without taking a breath says "how does it know how to turn the corners?".

 

[NotAnIDOYet]

Mrs NAIDOY once had a puncture that she gleefully informed me was only flat at the bottom!

Or the lovely young JO in the crewroom who asked the F3 Nav what the RAF stood for on his brevet.

 

[mild mannered janitor]

mrs mmj while driving past a field of sheep and lamb's asked "do sheep just get pregnant or do they have to you know! do it (as she put it)?"

 

[3Chordwonder]

Me and Mrs 3chord were watching a boxing match featuring Manny Pacquiao a few years ago where he was defending his title. The match ended in a draw with Manny taking it on points. The following conversation then actually took place:

Mrs - "So what does that mean?"

Me - "Well Manny's still the champ but they'll probably have a rematch as it was so close"

Mrs - "ahh ok, well don't change the channel just yet cos I'd like to watch that..."

 

[3Chordwonder]

And another classic from my mates missus (also bear in mind this lady is a USAF Major!!)

We were sat in his house in Rammstein, drinking until the early hours, the aim was to stay up all night and watch the Japanese Grand Prix in the early hours.

Ken's wife - "So what time does this Grand Prix start?"

Ken - "Well it starts about 4am"

Wife - "That's a stupid time to start, won't it be dark?"

 

[3Chordwonder]

Oh yes...I'm in full flow now.

Here's a classic from my first wife.....

I was watching the World Cup and this exchange took place:

Her - "Who's that guy talking?"

Me - "John Motson"

Her - "No, not him, the other guy"

Me - "Oh, right, yeah that's Ron Atkinson"

Her (after a thoughtful pause) "I liked him better when he did Blackadder"

 

[propersplitbrainme]

When my dad was in the RAF one of the WAAFS he worked with got pregnant.

"Not surprised" he said "she's the camp bike".

"Eh?" replied mum "What does lending folk her bike have to do with it?"

 

[gmacca]

Phone rang for the admin assistant where i used to work,

gmacca - admin bird, phone call for you, some girl!
Admin bird - What colour hair does the girl on the phone have?
gmacca - can't tell, phones can be funny like that!

 

[Shugster]

An old Girlfriend tried to park her car on the driveway, turned too soon and took a low wall out...

And she said to me.... "The thing is, I knew I couldn't make it", so despite the odds being stacked in the Billions to one she thought she'd try anyway.
DT_Xtremez_14:

 

[Shugster]

Another Girlfriend flew out to see me some years ago and said... "As the plane was landing we went into cloud and the Aircraft was hit by lightning"

"Really?" I said..

"Yes, quite a few times"

"Eh????", I said somewhat bewildered, "You mean once very few seconds?"

"Yes", she said...

"Those are bl00dy anti coll lights!"
DT_Xtremez_26:

 

[Soupdragon]

wife of a friend in Gibraltar watching the lunchtime BA flight arrive from their balcony in the New Camp marriage patch.
The aircraft (a Trident 3 i do believe) makes a complete mess of the approach to the western end of the runway so goes round for another attempt..

"oh!!... do you think hes just realised hes tried to land at the wrong place?"

 

[Vushtrri]

Wife to me one Sat afternoon... she isn't known for her culinary skills!

What do you want for dinner..shall I put the chicken and sweetcorn pie in the oven ?
Yes ok ...
15 mins later was rather surprised to see a pie put in front of me but not surprise when chucking a fork into it to see no steam
Have you cooked this dear?
Yes
How long for?
As long as it said on the packet.
How long was that?

Don't know ...I couldn't find my glasses!

During another discussion with the dear girl about various police forces I happened to mention that the Falkland Islands Police is affiliated to the Devon and Cornwall lot......
Is that because it's the nearest one to them?


Also once heard a teacher friend call herself 'An intellectual rascist'...whatever that is!

 

[MontyPlumbs]

A friends wife wanted to know if the army base "deepthroat" was now closed after the suicides.


My ex wanted to know if the Met had caught the July 7th Suicide Bombers? DT_Xtremez_42:

 

[God_is_a_TG1_rigger]

Diving my mate and his missus to the local airport, we passed a field of cows.

Mates Missus " how does the farmer know which ones are full fat"

 

[230Tiger]

Classic from the mother-in-law. I think I put it on here before but it's worth a second outing:

Out looking for her first car. She sits a car and starts playing with all the switches, upon flicking the indicator on -

Her - this one's no good it's only got one light for the indicator, i wanted one with the two arrows!

Me - Why's that then?

Her - So I know which way I'm turning............


Also, on the same day, looking at the second Ford Fiesta (in the same lot) she exclaims, this one is smaller than the last one!!!!!

 

[sooty77]

A few years ago my sister had a puncture, and she asked me to change the tyre for her.
On inspecting the tyre there was a screw stuck in the top of it.
I pointed out the problem to her and she said " If the screw is in the top, why is it flat at the bottom?"

 

[Vushtrri]

Whilst drilling a hole in the sisters front door for a spy hole I made a loop in the drill cable to hang it on the door so I wouldnt have to bend down

Why did you do that?

Well you live in Wrexahm here which is in Wales and the voltage is higher over here so you chuck a knot in it to knock the voltage down a tad.

.....So does that mean I should go around to all the other electrical things in the house and do the same?

yes I think you had better

...and off she went for half an hour!

 

[Shugster]

Gentlemen, we should in some ways be ashamed of ourselves for picking on such an easy target!
DT_Xtremez_15:

Fish in a barrel..!