Your best TECHIE moment.

[BillyBunter]

After arriving in Sardinia we had to service the jet before heading to the hotel , we did not have a toilet truck on the base so the alternative Lay Flat Tubing came out and as we opened the gate valve this huge 25 ft of lay flat tubing rolled out like a chameleons tounge full of aircrews finest **** and pee . It took 4 of us to carry it over to a dark side of the airfield to empty it !!!

improvising is the key to airpower !!!

 

[Scaley brat]

After arriving in Sardinia we had to service the jet before heading to the hotel , we did not have a toilet truck on the base so the alternative Lay Flat Tubing came out and as we opened the gate valve this huge 25 ft of lay flat tubing rolled out like a chameleons tounge full of aircrews finest **** and pee . It took 4 of us to carry it over to a dark side of the airfield to empty it !!!

improvising is the key to airpower !!!

I was told that at Gan if the truck was broken, they used to use a bin liner. If the guy on the handle didn't like the guy holding the bag, he would open it all the way blowing the poor barstud across the pan in a flood of Racasan pi$$ and sh1t !! Apparently it takes a fair while for the blue colour to come out of your skin. DT_Xtremez_31:

 

[BillyBunter]

I was told that at Gan if the truck was broken, they used to use a bin liner. If the guy on the handle didn't like the guy holding the bag, he would open it all the way blowing the poor barstud across the pan in a flood of Racasan pi$$ and sh1t !! Apparently it takes a fair while for the blue colour to come out of your skin. DT_Xtremez_31:

heheheheh yeah so very true , so many times its all went wrong , nothing worse than having a jobby on yer hand and knowing you cant let go till its empty, not many folk will attempt to close the gate valve if you have a leaker hehehehe

And they dont give us boggy money anymore as they say we are not in contact with bodily fluids for more than 4 hours a day :/

 

[Weebl]

And they dont give us boggy money anymore as they say we are not in contact with bodily fluids for more than 4 hours a day :/

You CAN still claim Bog Money!

The system changed but they rather quickly realised that they were being unfair to people who empty the crappers and changed it slightly! (whatever next)

The rate is slightly lower than is was, and the name has changed but you can still claim!

Edit, 30 second look, PWON (lower rate) £4.74 a day.

Edit again, no PWON was the old one, now called UWA (Unpleasant Work Allowance) JSP 752, Chapter 10, Section 1.

 

[BillyBunter]

You CAN still claim Bog Money!

The system changed but they rather quickly realised that they were being unfair to people who empty the crappers and changed it slightly! (whatever next)

The rate is slightly lower than is was, and the name has changed but you can still claim!

Edit, 30 second look, PWON (lower rate) £4.74 a day.

Edit again, no PWON was the old one, now called UWA (Unpleasant Work Allowance) JSP 752, Chapter 10, Section 1.

Oh thats changed then !!! Nice one ill have a look at that one and let the lads know

Nice to see our admin lot informing us of the change hehehe

 

[Sam Adams]

BEST Techie moment?

BEST Techie moment?

Pardon my indulgence!

Picture the scene:

Many, many, many years ago, at what is now known as ISL, when the Banana Bomber (Sphinx Thinx) was the dogs doo-das, (apart from the Shack).

It was a very busy Thursday night, I had just come in on night shift (we knocked off - when all the jets for next day’s fly prog were "S") and then we were in again at mid-day Friday till cease work. We had multiple (fairy) snags on lots of jets and were working our **ts off. In between all of this were the lekkies (DFs) needing access in the cockpit. I was tasked to “loosen” the Nav’s Blue Parrot radar display for access. Needless to say, amongst all of the rest of the work this was not recorded, at least officially. Next day I came into work and was told to report to the Shift FS’s office (I cannot recall his name, but I still thank him to this day). He then proceeded to tell me that I had “forgotten” to record on the job card that I’d “loosened” the Nav’s radar display for the lekkies (DFs) – (not that they had recorded it either!). Fortunately the Nav had discovered the LRU was loose before they took off! Nothing more was said – apart from me learning a VERY valuable lesson, and you can bet that I “learned from that” (its not just aircrew that this applies to). Strange that this may seem, but this remains to this day (I’m still in) my BEST techie moment. Ladies and Gents – take care & pride in what you do – even though you don’t think that you are appreciated – you are, AND it could be because you are the difference between success and the unthinkable!

Sam

 

[MrMasher]

As a fresh faced LAC I did my 1st flight servicing on a mk1 Chinook.
Topped one of the hyd systems up. Lovely job.
Somoene else did the see off, only it didnt get seen off. It shut down with a "hyd leak"
Uh oh!
It would appear that some stupid little idiot had left off the hyd ressie cap and it had dumped itself all over the place!
Whoopsie!!!!
I' m last seen running out onto the pan armed with rolls of kimwipe and a red countenance!


Best one is when you get the same aircrew for the same reason.
Had a problem on a see off on a helichopper. Pilot is concerned that he cant see ignitor/test light. Got a fog ducker out. Turned out you need to make sure the lights are selected to normal and not left on NVG. Simple as that. You cant see it in daylight, NVG setting is too dim. Pilot felt daft as fog ducker had pointed this out on a previous occasion. Said "snag" goes into my memory bank of useful info when groundrunning!
Cue this week, same pilot, same "snag". .........."Its not that little NVG chesnut again is it sir?"
He he he he he he........sure is!!!!!

Student pilots and firewall valves. Firewall valve must be open to allow fuel to flow up to engines.
Yep, clear start 1.
Starter engages, throttle to ground idle, engine tries, engine dies!
Student pilot looks confused. Wait for the moment of clarity.............there it is! That'll be doughnuts, biscuits or cakes thanks sir! Basics, day 1 etc etc!DT_Xtremez_30:

 

[Rigga]

AHAAAA!
My first day at work at Odihams Trans Bay, 1984, Bob Wyman, an abrupt Sgt, invites me to come with him to 7 sqn to see what they want advice on. I scramble to the top of the Chinny (Remember your first time climbing up a Chinook?) and I wobble to the fwd Head wher there is a meeting...

Sqn Chf says "...and I believe it is an amalgam of the Hyd Oil from the Reservoir, the grease from the Git Seals and another substance creating an corrosive subtance."

Bob " What do you think Rigga?"

Rigga "I think its Birdsh!t"

Bob "Yep! Thats what we have to put up with from these experts - lets get back to work."

Sqn Chf "!!!!"

Klasse.

 

[Hook]

Best Techie Moment

Best Techie Moment

Managing to complete a rigger turnround on the mighty hunter and cooking the rest of the boys curry and chips in the galley in under 2 hours!

 

[Talk Wrench]

............... Ladies and Gents – take care & pride in what you do – even though you don’t think that you are appreciated – you are, AND it could be because you are the difference between success and the unthinkable!

Sam

Slightly off thread, but, what fanastic words Sam. I am sure that they are appreciated by all of the Goaters on here.

TW

 

[Bernie]

Bucc Cable Engagement...

Bucc Cable Engagement...

I was Ramp Tramp on the earliest Red Flag trips 77/78. A USAF chap drove up our line (10 Buccs on ours, two Vulcans on the other) and informed me that one of our cabs was on it's way back "with the nose fallen off"

Yeah! Right! then a Bucc limped back onto the pan looking like it had come off a junk heap. The radome was missing, the scanner flattened again the radar, tanks and flaps AWOL, wing pitot tube missing, pylons ripped apart, cables and innards trailing, the underside scoured to bits - an absolute shed! We all stood slack-jawed as the junk-pile was formally marshalled into it's slot. The pilot looked at us and simply shrugged his shoulders.

You've probably heard the tales and seen the videos of the Bucc jockeys doing their really low flying stuff on Flag. This chap, Kid Ramjet, had been cheating by flying outside the range area and was caught out by taking a cable at 38', straight and level, returning to the "war".

Well, to cut a long story short, JT Al Davies (are you still out there) was the metal mangler extrodinaire who I assisted in repairing the radome frame - two steel plates jo-bolted where the damage was cut out, a plate to restore the parrot's cage (pressurised housing for the Blue Parrot radar), lots or PRC slapped over the repairs and lost of robs from the hangar queen and spray paint from the Spams saw the cab back on the line the following day.

The aircrew had been very fortunate in that the cable had passed under the aircraft, probably been sheared by the cable cutter (meant for arresting kit not inflight hazards - do you remember that little silver steel triangle? I've got many scars on my head from it). The ends of the sheared cable lashed through the front and took out all the tanks, pylons and pitot head. All the bits they trashed were removeable luckily for us.

...and the next day saw an official USAF photo pitch up to capture the extent of the damage. He was sent out to me on the Line and I happily invited him to join the Line Team waiting to see it in. Was his face a picture - the cab looked better than the others on the line!

 

[Bernie]

Another Bucc Story...

Another Bucc Story...

The Bucc used a lot of "Last-Selected-Position" selector valves in it's hyd systems, this included the undercarriage (U/C) systems.

On one aircraft recovery, late at night after fixing all the snags, we had to complete U/C functional checks. As always, once you've got it sorted, you just do a few more cycles just in case...

...and on the last UP cycle, the hyd rig coughed it's working parts all over the hangar floor. Three reds showing, legs halfway up and no hyd power. The Bucc did not have a useful handpump like the Tonka or Jag - not needed for a cab that was built to operate with all services available in the "hangar" floor of the flightdeck.

Looked like another few days hanging around for a rig to be driven up to us at the other end of the country just for 5 mins work to get the legs down and locked and off-jacks... and then the solution dawned!

Like the handpump bit, the Bucc never had a self-start system, it always relied on "Host-Nation" - the aircraft carrier, for its services such as fuel/air/hyd.

We dragged the Palouste air starter up to the hangar doors, ran the air hose in through the doors and connected up to the nearest engine. A quick blast from the Palouste to wind over the HP section and drive the aircraft's own hyd pumps and Voila! Down and locked, three greens, off-jacks and home for tea!

I scored a lot of brownie points all round for this quick-fix...

 

[shirley286]

Had a great moment week before last, a certain SAC Rigger who tries hard bless him, was making a meal out of a GR4 Nib, he was irate to say the least, unbeknownst to him on the week before when he was on leave, his bottom row of tooltags were kindly glued to the toolkit (old but good i know). As he was losing his rag he stormed over to get another tool, cue moment he grabbed one tag which stayed on the kit, he went ape-sh*t as the tag wouldnt come off, screwdriver in his hand went flying as he stormed off to a torrent of swearwords and us P*ssing ourselves....

 

[Sam Adams]

Slightly off thread, but, what fanastic words Sam. I am sure that they are appreciated by all of the Goaters on here.

TW

Talk,
Thanx for your kind words.
I have NEVER forgotten that lesson, and because we insist in keeping the the flyboys in the dark, (let's not let them into too many secrets) I for one am still proud to provide the tools to enable them to "do their job", albeit on "Albert" nowadays.

Sam

 

[mac]

Whilst at Odiham---1984--Puma --- No 2 Eng failing to start on pan.Duty sumpy duly walks to A/C, YTS scheme pilot in 'hot seat' full of himself( I think he was 12 and his Mum gave him permission to go out alone). ''No 1 starts ok,No2 no go ,over to you Corps'' He commandingly states.
Quick visual check reveals No 2 Throttle in flight pos'n ( will only start in ground posn--amazingly really---especially when A/C is on the ground) Throttle recovered from Flight posn to ground posn by highly underpaid techy leaving Master Master race to take to the skies,without me on board !!!! (suitably owing said techy a slab !!!!----or else faux pas to be divulged to entire world !!)
Never did pay up---maggot

 

[billy bollox]

Car Keys

Car Keys

Not technical but still....when you have a vending machine in the crew room, some funny lad decided a particular riotous AV Mechs car keys needed to be put in a safe position. Needless to say, it was funny to see said techie ask around for 10p to get his keys from the "Chomp" bar selection as he'd run out of cash!!!DT_Xtremez_30:

 

[mr_fingle]

Best Tech moment - Getting a swarm of guys on a cab in the Balkans doing an AF/BF in about 5 minutes so we could get one of the chefs (who had managed to set himself on fire after refuelling a petrol generator) to the hospital sharpish - top lads.

Most 'interesting' moment (Balkans again) - standing between a load of hastily armed Rocks (one in a blue T-shirt and stripy red and white shorts - amazing what images stay with you) and a load of armed 'friendly' police who had swooped on the base and tried to get to our cab as it was taxiing. There were two coalition injured onboard that were injured in an RTA and the 'friendlies' wanted them to go for questioning back at the station. Airfield was blacked so the cab couldn't leave, cops were trying to push their way past the rocks and the techies, rocks and techies were adamant that no-one got near the cab. It was a big willy-waving contest but with the added 'benefit' of firearms - it was all a bit 'interesting'.

Worst techie moment - Day one of being released into the big scary Air Force. AMF at Kinloss, Dec 1990. All I had to do was refit (apprently it is now 'install') an underwing panel - piece of **** job I told myself. Panel went on lovely, 3 years of training undertaken - satis! Pulled the brace away from the last fastener to see that the bit was still hanging on for dear life. Reached up to grab it and I literally felt it slip through my fingers and disappear into the dim, dark recesses of the Mighty Hunter's brake pack with a cheery little tinkle followed by me having to brave a tirrade of abuse from the Chief when I told him - and well deserved abuse it was too.

 

[DHI]

Several: Done the Bollocking SWO bit at Brüggen. Thought he could practise his AOCs parade bit on the VAHS pan. There they were in full swing when up strolls yours trully. "Sir, a word please", "who said you could parade this orrible lot here on my pan", Oh the tower says he, "well sir the tower dont run the pan I do" And were about to park a dozen diverting F16's so could you all please F...Oscar. "Oh he says turning to his parade, First time I've been bollocked and not having a leg to stand on" Needless to say he popped into VAHS most mornings thereafter to return the compliment. Oh b...er!

GW1, Two man see-in on Bomber with genny failure, service jet, remove genny. No genny on unit, track one down at Dharain when 23 were in residence, quick phone call to confirm genny there, get weapons and man b, in LR across causeway, quick brew with Tom Houghton Ex XV Rigger, pick up genny, rtn cross causeway, fit and function genny, assist plums in loading the jet, See-off mighty bomber. Then back to the hotel for beer and bed! Worst moment, watching 2 Johns go off, not to return until later.

Many more later.

Cheers

DHI

 

[roverboy]

Worst techy moment - every time I had to work up f@cking zone 19.

Best bit - every opportunity I got to wind coppers/rocks up about taking cover behind the biggest thing I could find (my wallet)DT_Xtremez_30: