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Old wind ups for new arrivals (merged)

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Remember a navy shiney who had just arrived, who had been sent to the mess to collect powdered water.

But the one I liked best was the navy shiney that worked for me whilst overseas who on receiving his new foreign bank account and card was told by the Wobbly Orange that he could get his terms and conditions in English (which is true) and should head to the bank to get them. However, just as he left I told him that he needed to check his bank card as the digits might be in french and he would need to change them to english. Bless him, he checked it out.

Hasten to add that both these lads had been in bout 10 years each so would have expected them to be a bit more on the ball.

Also had a young SAC who kept bugging our civvie to go out with him. After much wingeing by the civvie a plan formed. So I phoned him to say that she had had enough and reported him to the Wobbly Orange for sexual harrassment and expect a call from the feds. Left him Sh1tt1ng himself for a while before breaking the news. Not nice but hey he was a c*ck. Same guy that posted an ad in the autotrader selling his car giving his work number as a contact. Problem is it was his Flt Cdr's!!

Another one that made me titter was whilst in FI, Everyone used to get their garfield with their gozzome details on. One time a few of the lads sent one to one of the statty's with a gozzome date of 2 weeks earlier. Poor guy went round telling everyone when he was leaving and taking the p155 out of the ones who had arrived at the same time as him. The reaction when he found out the truth was something I will never forget and he didn't speak to anyone for about a week.
 
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I did hear of a young LAC posted into air traffic, who at the end of his 1st week was sent to turn off the wind sock for the weekend:PDT_Xtremez_42:
 
a certain Scottish Cpl squipper worked in the next 'shop' to me.. he was posted, with promotion, to Hullavington.

After about a fortnight in his new post a phone call was made to him, with heavily disguised voice, claiming to be a Cpl Johnson from Innsworth and 'just giving him a heads up that he was about to be posted..... to Goose'.....

Of course, as you can imagine, he wasnt too impressed with this news' 'hell, i only got here a fortnight ago...and the wifes gonna hit the roof...etc etc

I called him again later in the day, using my normal voice, and as we chatted i 'dropped' into the convo 'do you know a Cpl Johnson from Innsworth?'

it took a couple of seconds for it to register....then he hit the roof... just as well he couldnt have got his hands on me.. and he ended up telling me that his boss had been raising the roof at Innsworth wanting to know why the hell his new Sgt was being posted......
 
Clasic windups

Clasic windups

Leaving a message to ring the Dog Section ext. and ask for Cpl Barker,
the Chaplain's ext. and ask for Charlie, but my favourite has been to send an LAC to PSF for a brown form 10 to go with his leave pass.
 
Back at Benson, the results of the Sports Lottery were released in SROs. While one of the new(ish) SAC bombheads was on leave, some of the lads doctored the electronic copy and printed it out with him taking top prize.

He was only told when someone overheard him phoning up to arrange a test drive on a new motor. The rects controller (a complete chopper) tried to find the culprits and fizz them, not because he cared about the SAC, but because he had made a big deal of it and made the announcement to all and sundry in the T-Bar.
 
All you had to do was leave a message for the college boy of your choice at Saints with
"Mr C lyon called, can you ring him back on (Insert Bristol Zoo number)."

One guy phoned twice to make sure he didn't make a mistake.

Barry college had an instructor called C**** Lyons. What a gift :PDT_Xtremez_30:
 
Dont Joke

Dont Joke

flintwich said:
Leaving a message to ring the Dog Section ext. and ask for Cpl Barker,
the Chaplain's ext. and ask for Charlie, but my favourite has been to send an LAC to PSF for a brown form 10 to go with his leave pass.
Click to expand...

I took a few calls from a cpl Barker from the dog section, ignored it as a wind up until he came into the office to chase the fault up. Name on his greens, had to tell him there was a glitch in the system and some of the jobs got lost.
Also a cpl cook who worked in the mess.
I always have to think twice now.
 
variation on a theme

variation on a theme

Similar to Mad Collie

Whilst a cheeky JT in the FS Bay at Wyton in 80's, me and my mate decided to have a jolly jape at the expense of the new (pretty) stores lass down the corridor in ESG. Got a claw-hammer off the board, drilled a hole up the shaft, inserted a cable and heat shrunk it on. Wrote out a 731 with mad eup part no and took it down. Even went to the trouble of putting a "shadow" on the tool board for when she didn' believe us (which she didn't). Wenty back to the bay chuckling. 30 mins later the saloon style doors burst open with the FS stacker demanding our blood. Found us and asked us what it was - "Lectric Hammer" we replied in unison (only just keeping a straight face. At this point he plugged it into the wall socket and switched it on and said that it didn't work! That was the point were we replied (in unsion again) "That's coz it's got a US 731 on it!" (Cue bay SNCO fallign off his chair, FS going purple and into orbit and storming out the door) Our sides hurt for about 30 minutes till the phone rang. Summonsed to the Wobbly Orange - oops! Cue two timid looking JT's in front of an imposing and unhappy WO. Asks what the item is. Scared JT (sensing deja vu)blurts out the sentence "Please sir, we're going to tell you it's an electric hammer but please don't plug it in and tell "us it doesn't work coz then we're going to have to tell you that's why it's got a US 731 on it" And what idiot did that?" the FS, Sir - at which point his face crinkled, our backsides stopped flinching and he roared "GERROUT!" We were halfway down the corridor in 2 seconds flat but heard him chuckling as we got to the bay doors - phew!
 
Our regular "Got-cha" in PRF at Lyneham was to get the new boy (just out of training of course) to go on the weekly "combustion crystals" replacement run.
Once victim was selected he was dressed in the protective clothing (old lox charging kit) given a bowser water sediment check container full of silica gel (combustion crystals) and then put in the back of the sherpa van, kneeling on a rubber mat! Before leaving he was given the "safety brief" about not shaking the crystals as the might explode!

Over the other site of the airfield, in one of the line hangers there would be someone waiting with a replacement container of crystals - all played out fantastically by the "cast" On return to PRF the "greeting was loud to say the least!

One other favourite was at Cranwell. When I got there in 73 the older "lineys" were experts at the game. Once seen another young recent arrival collecting old fire hoses from the fire section getting ready to flood the runway as VASF had a "Catalina" flying boat coming in - classic! Oh and by the way, it wasn't me - I had already been to ASF stores on a very foggy day when flying was cancelled - went up with a request for some clear patches! :PDT_Xtremez_30:
 
TeHe

TeHe

At Spade in 2003 we had a new TG3 SAC with a couple of years experience arrive in the ZSU bay. A bit cocky and thought he knew all the tricks, well he did'nt.
I asked him to do a station wide trawl for a " compact paper combiner ". I tee'd up all the sections and told the poor lad that he would have to sign for it on a 668 as there was only one on the station as it was really expensive. Out he went in the landy and every 10 or 15 minutes later we had the phone calls from various sections wetting themselves. Anyway he eventually found this compact paper combiner in the next bay to ours, signed for it, brought it into a crowded tea-bar and opened the box. He had signed for a stapler. He is now known as "Flash".

Studley :PDT_Xtremez_28:
 
One favourite of mine is to "double bag" nothing - give it to the new LAC and ask him to take the bag to POL section / stackers for disposal - citing that it is full of "contaminated air"

Got caught myself years ago on the F3 ocu at Coningsby - first servicing I did at night. Several old sweats standing around the jet and one of them brought my attention to a pool of fluid underneath the engine panel:-

"What's that leak Noddy?" asked one of the old sweat's
"Don't know" came the response from a slighty green Nodsta
"Taste it, if it's sweet it's fuel, if it's bitter it's engine oil" said the old sweat

I stuck my fingers into said fluid - got a good amount on the end of my fingers and tasted them

"Fcuk knows what that is" I said "It doesn't taste like anything"

"Does it taste anything like ****!" came the reply

"Bast**rd!" was the reply - much to the laughter of the old sweats !!!!!!!!!
 
I guess we all know of the ID 10T, sending all the new guys to the station photog with their respirators for thier "Battle Photo"
 
Look mate, I`m sorry if it was you and you are reading this. All I remember is that you were the new boy on the block and we sent you to the med centre for your smear test. How were we to know that the nurse was game for a laugh that day.

SUCKER!
 
Early 80's at a large station in W*ltshire. I noticed a group of the lads looking out over the airfield pointing excitedly at 'something'. "Is he going to do it ...?", etc, etc. Up walks our new JT "What are you looking at?" he asked. "Over there, can't you see". "No ...". "Here, have a look through the binoculars". SPLOTTT!!! "Oh, it's gone, never mind".

So I then had the problem of just how long I let JT ***** walk around with two perfect black rings around his eyes.
 
a mate of mine got stiched up like a kipper he just got his sac's up at the time, but it was before i arrived at the ASF. The story goes:-

a jet had a weird sound coming from the navs part of the cockpit and no nav could work out wot it was. so he was told the fact that there was a free jolly for a techie to find out wot it was as the aircrew are useless, and to go and see the mac to get his name put in the hat. the mac was duly informed and hurriedly found a pot and tore up some paper strips. said airman turns up and puts his name in it. Later in the It turns out he has won the jolly and has to go to a sqn squippers to get his flying kit sorted. by his own addmission he found the kitting to be a bit bizzare at the time when they measured him for boots helmet and suit with 3 seperate bits of knoted string, but as they were tagged out off a shadow board he thought it was fine. Anyway cue the morning of the flight test he goes to the squippers at a sqn to get suited and booted, by this time everone was waiting in the hangar for him to turn up. in he waltzs in looking like iceman complete with visor down. hangar starts pi55ing themselves, poor techie heart broken and very embarrased. I was told it was brilliant.

another quick one was a lad had just finished some split pinning, when someone turns round to him and says 'ere you've anti pinned that'. yes he turned had a look instantly relised and simply said ba$tard. brilliant
 
this aint a raf one but one from my current job

during the latest spree of xmas temps we send one of them to the local boots with an envelope and told him to hand it over to the clerk behind the counter.

in the envelope was a note saying " hi there i am too shy to buy condoms here is some money " and some money.

the female clerk just smiled at him and grab some condoms and put them in the envelope and handed it back to him, he made his way back red faced and very angry :)

man that was a good day !
 
One of the new LAC's here got sent to clothing stores to get fitted for a kilt (as its a scottish base). When we got there he asked for the kilt and we gave the signal to the storeman who was in on the joke. the storeman stated that they didnt have any in his size so he would have to be fitted out with a WAF skirt instead to get his measurements. He puts on the dress and comes out the dressing room to us laughing our heads off and taking loads of pics for the T-bar :PDT_Xtremez_34:
 
New boy list of stuff to collect from stores..

1 Bucket of prop wash
1 Tube of elbow grease
1 Vortex generator test set
1 Adjustable spanner - make sure its imperial and not one of the metric ones sonny
 
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