Old wind ups for new arrivals (merged)

[Past Engineering]

A few from the past

A few from the past

Cranwell – Send new lineys around the station for the ‘Black Flag’

Odiham – Teaching new lineys how to marshall in a Chinook by sitting on the pan to stop them being blown over by the downwash.

Falklands – Chief told that he was being extended to run the Minor servicing team on the Chinook as there was nobody to send from Odiham this time. The JENGO had the tannoy switch open when said chief was being told, chiefy also did not notice the signal ref ‘spoof1’. He actually got so upset and annoyed the JENGO had to turn the tannoy off and tried to explain it was a wind up, not happy but he got a plumb posting out of it when he returned to UK.

St Athan – I got a phone call supposabley from the PA to OC PSF that the forth coming medal for the gulf war 91 was not going to include the clasp. Apparently it was due to a recalculation of the distance you were from the action and as a cost saving scheme by the MOD. Realised that something was up when I tried to make an appointment with OC PSF to query this decision, and also having phoned other ex members of the Sqd who said they new nothing of this. Eventually my boss found out it was one of my Cpls, so he was stitched up like a kipper as revenge.

Scampton – New lineys on their first Palouste start on Vulcans, the engine was dry cranked to flood the combustion chamber with fuel, this then caused a lovely big sheet of flame to come out of the exhaust duct which points upwards. For mine they had positioned the Palouste just under the leading edge of the wing, duly fired it up, flames shot out, I hit the emergency stop button and legged it back to the line hut. Crew chief and aircrew cheesed of at delay and the singed leading edge.

New crews on the OCU, after powering up the electrics and warming up the kit on the signal from the Crew Chief the lineys would pull out the ground supply lead which would shut down all the kit in the aircraft. Having done this for the latest crew we waited for the usual panic etc, when a head poked itself out of the hatch and calmly said “very funny, now can we start again”.

 

[leave your hat on maam]

Whilst at saint's in the twin peaks had to go to stores for a tool, procedeed to carry out job but got covered in hyd oil so went and changed my denims. Went back into stores for loads of quim wipe only for the storeman to ask if i had changed. Quickly i said no it must be my twin brother you had seen he is on the other shift. Storeman was suprised that e had both ended up at same place but kept wind up going for ages every time i went in asking if he had seen my brother that day and if he did tell him he is a cock. Even went to change denims several times in a day so he would belive it. Only after about 3 to 4 months did he comment that he never saw us together. His face priceless when i told him the truthDT_Xtremez_35:

 

[wolfy]

I was working in the tower at Brize with the shift Cpl and the new LAC on a Radar console when the Cpl turned to the LAC and asked him to go and see the chief for a packet of new 10 mile range rings, which he promptly did. The chief realising the joke told him to go back and ask if 5 mile range rings would do. When he came back to where we were working and started to explain what the chief had said you could see the penny drop, his face was a picture and to this day he has never lived this down.

 

[TrenchardsLoveSock]

New boy list of stuff to collect from stores..

1 Bucket of prop wash
1 Tube of elbow grease
1 Vortex generator test set
1 Adjustable spanner - make sure its imperial and not one of the metric ones sonny

33 sqn role bay used to get the work experience lads from school for a week at a time (great PR move, NOT).

The guy running the bay had two in one week and sent one off for a metric adjustable and the other out for an Imperial one. The thick lad was gone for hours with no result, but the bright one was back half an hour later with sexual prefs for a series of adjustables with metric scales etched on the jaws.

Just for good measure, he also had numbers for a load of adjustables with Imperial grip ranges i.e. 0-1", 0-1.5" etc.

Bloody smart arseDT_Xtremez_14:

 

[Swingwinger]

One of our mech's was recently sent to the photog's to have his ID photo taken wearing a respirator (for exercise purposes). I have the photo in my desk with him sat there in S6 holding up the name card with ID10T on it.DT_Xtremez_28:

Yes and when the photog said''smile please'' he fecking did!! Same lad went round the station for a Tonka nosewheel tracking kit. He even went to the Seakings of 202 Sqn. Priceless!

 

[MontyPlumbs]

Classic one is to get the new Navy bods to go out and calibrate the windsock. We even have an OCu ocal form for this. Latest one, last week poor unfortunate AET spent 25 minutes outside measuring the angle of the windsock, direction, pole height etc etc priceless DT_Xtremez_14: DT_Xtremez_14:

Another one is when doing a seat cart change on a Mk 12 MB you have to pull the seat pan firing handle (making sure its disconnected of course) so you can get to the firing units. We always get an AET to do it...imagine his face when there a load of armourers yelling at him to pull it, turned away, fingers in ears!!!! DT_Xtremez_14: DT_Xtremez_14: DT_Xtremez_14: DT_Xtremez_14: DT_Xtremez_14:

Finally, large jacking handle, piece of paper thats says 'I want 2 weeks leave or Ill stove your head in with this" and an AET - then send him to the FS, Jengo or Wobbly Orange..DT_Xtremez_30: DT_Xtremez_30:

 

[Jim_P_Pulfrew]

There was a stacker in the early 90's down at Ascension Island, who was notorious for perpetrating wind ups and practical jokes. His oft made boast was they would never catch him out.

It was decided that at some stage of the game everyone at ASI would have to bolt hole to Recife in Brazil, while work was done on the runway. Our man was called in by OC Supply and told he would be going on a C130 to Recife the next week, to do some fuel sampling etc. Sceptical at first, an official looking signal arrived confirming the flight details and the requirement for a supplier to go and do the fuel sampling, semi convincing the wind up merchant.

For the next week he went around telling everyone what he was going to be doing, only having doubts when nobody seemed bothered.

C130 Arrives on time and he is cock-a-hoop at getting off the island. Next morning he gets all his kit packed and pitches up at the aircraft excited to say the least. The aircraft starts up and taxi's out and all fears of being wound up are gone.

At the end of the runway the Herc powers up and then winds down, to taxi back to the pan. Must be a tech delay our man thinks. Loady gets out and beckons our hero out with him.

He is confronted by all his mates holding a banner which reads:

'What's the difference vetween P*** Wi***n and Ronnie Biggs?' and the banner next to it which says:

'Biggs made it to Brazil'

It was I believe a very quiet tour after that!

 

[Cake or Death]

at an asf some where in the swamps, a very annoying new ladturns up and knows everything.

Im in tool stores trying to find a bit of kit, when in walks new lad and says 'CoD, where is the combustion chamber turning tool' me in my own world says there is no such thing and to stop being a **** and get on with yer boroscopes, he then says that sac **** and jt ******* have sent me in for it and need now, me coming back to reality and realising the wind up amazingly is still on says its in the sootie draw on that tool kit, he starts looking, cant find it and then asks another sootie who walked in where it was, he then proceeds to help him find it, even he fell for it. and got confused and got the lp/ip turning tool and stared at that for a while

when speaking to the sac and jt who started it, they tell the annoying one who immediatly said there is no such thing, the sac turned then says yes there is it turns on a bearing so that it doesnt give hotspots on the ngv's, the annoyig one reply 'oh yes i remember that now from the combustion chamber lessons!!!!!!! lying idiot

 

[monobrow]

Wouldn't happen to have the nickname "poo-tash" would he?? christ I'm glad we got rid of that waste of space!

 

[Cake or Death]

no its not that tard poo-tash. all tho i do now work in the donk bay but thankfully not with him. the person in question went from tasf to II sqn and then TPF. I guess you are from the squashed bats. the whole of tpf do hate 9 for sending poo tash to us. now im just trying to work out who you are!

 

[monobrow]

no its not that tard poo-tash. all tho i do now work in the donk bay but thankfully not with him. the person in question went from tasf to II sqn and then TPF. I guess you are from the squashed bats. the whole of tpf do hate 9 for sending poo tash to us.

hey we were asked to supply some bods to the bay.... he just "happened" to be overborne :: Mind you, that guy could bore a chock to death.

 

[Cake or Death]

and in supply you mean deadwood!!!!!!!!!!! well the nugget borrowed rolls royces digital camera for a holiday, came back download the pics on to his puter. gave the camera back. some time later rr use it to send evidence of some sort of engine death back to hq. download the images of dead donk and some naked female. yep he never wiped the images the mong! priceless.

 

[roverboy]

Get the FNG to phone up the ROLL bay and when they answer the phone "ROLE bay" ask for 1 ham & pickle, 2 egg & cress (on brown) etc...

Put an old style biro re-fill inside a soldering iron and get the FNG to take the "electric pen" to TMEC for calibration.

 

[roverboy]

I still get a laugh out of phoning up any Propulsion Flight and asking if it's the Engine Bay. When (if) they say "Yes", then I reply with "Captain here, full steam ahead" followed by a whooping noise.

 

[Dave-exfairy]

I was sat in the Regt Flt crewroom at Coltishall once and a guy walked in with a plastic bag. He said that he'd been sent to Supply with a bag of radioactive air for disposal, but they sent him to Regt Flt because he didn't have any PPE on. The Regt Flt got him into full NBC kit with respirator and then sent him to the medical centre because he had already been exposed - priceless!
DT_Xtremez_30:

That one is true, I worked with the unfortunate lad, Jamma, what a top lad.

Another wind up:
Av/Elect bay, AMF Colt. New Lekkie LAC is given an RAF Baseball cap with Sh1tehawk on the front and ROYAL AIR FORCE underneath. He is told he has been chosen to pilot the new RAF headgear and he is now to wear it around the station. The SWO was in on it as were the Photo Sect, SWO presented it to him while being photo'd. He was walking down the main drag at Colt back to AMF when he was stopped by a Sgt who wasn't in on it, he just got away with being 252'd

 

[Kim Wipe]

A brilliant one from Kinloss,

A new LAC arrived into Supply, overly keen and wanting to get his hands on any kit possible. Anyway my Cpl collared him and told him he needed to go to clothing stores for his 'RAF Scotland' issue kilt. The young lad got very excited at this prospect and ran off to collect his required belongings.

During this time one of the girls called Clothing stores manager and told him of the current events, with a laugh he said he'd do what he could. 10 minutes later the SAC recieved a phonecall from another clothing stores civvy, who was in tears of laughter telling them to come quickly and bring a camera.

A motley bunch ran down the stairs and into clothing stores to be greeted to the sight of the aforementioned LAC parading upo and down in a WAAF's skirt.

The Clothing manager had told him they were out of kilts, but that skirts were effectively the same sizes.
To be fair to the guy he had a good laugh about it and even used it on a new LAC in the following months DT_Xtremez_31:

 

[Offeh Kitt]

had a guy sent to MT to go round a coned circuit on a bike to get his F600 signed up for a menstral cycle..... and i got caught with a ground test of a RAT (RAM AIR TURBINE) on a mighty toom at 74... had to go to stores to get a RAT cage.. ( for those not educated.. ram air can only be achieve above speeds of 180kts)

Wasnt so funny on my tonka rigger course when the instructor tried to tell me that there was a way of ground testing the RAT on the F3 and there was a cage to make sure no-one got hurt, he wasnt impressed by my 'fekk off' statement! (F3 had some sort of an electric motor that connected to the rat fan i think... all in the dim and distant past!)

remember a bloke going around wattisham with a box of contaminated air... idiot hadnt even realised there was holes in the box!

 

[grumpy tech]

Whilst working with that great institute called the REME in the Falklands, I managed to convince one of them that to finish a job we needed a pint if PI55, and yes he was gone for an hour or so whilst he drove around trying to find it. To top it off it was April 1st.

You have to love the Armies top 10% DT_Xtremez_42:

 

[wolfy]

For any TG3 guys who worked on airfields a standard joke was to send the new mech out to sweep the Glidepath!!!.

 

[mad_collie]

For any TG3 guys who worked on airfields a standard joke was to send the new mech out to sweep the Glidepath!!!.

And to switch off the windsock.