Stupid Snag Awards

[Rigga]

A JT I knew at a Torpedo place in Lincolnshire once told me of a serious fault on a visiting Hawk that was parked in our Hangar Mod-Team Slot - One of its trailing edge flaps was pointing upwards!

The big question is...How many more of you can't figure this one out?

 

[Wing boy]

I havent got a scoobie. Please enlighten those of us that are (supposedly) shiny!!!

 

[May Contain Peanuts]

This was actually a member of this fine site.

"My phone isn't working"
Young techie responds and sure enough the phone isn't working. Thinking that this person must have at least some idea how a phone worked he checked the rack - everything ok. On coming back to the phone the young tech bends down to inspect the cable.
"Been moving the desk around sir"
"Why yes, I have"
"That would be why you phone is unplugged then!"::

 

[TheHogwartsBEngO]

A JT I knew at a Torpedo place in Lincolnshire once told me of a serious fault on a visiting Hawk that was parked in our Hangar Mod-Team Slot - One of its trailing edge flaps was pointing upwards!

The big question is...How many more of you can't figure this one out?

I'm not at all familiar with Hawks, but I assume that they do have flaps, and the definition of a flap would suggest that it would be located on the trailing edge (slats tend to be on the leading edge). If a flap was pointing upwards, it would be a fair call.

However, you say on a Tornado base, I assume therefore that the JT in question was not aware (being a tornado man) of the existence of ailerons and therefore assumed that the assemetric deployment of trailing edge control surfaces was a flap fault.

Am I right? DT_Xtremez_27:

 

[propersplitbrainme]

F707A raised against a Herc....

"Loose rivet port side"

WTF? Might has well have been in Port Said for all the use that description was

 

[Rigga]

Bengo,
I'll bet you do the Times crossword too?
Well done.
The guy in question had been on Tonkas for four years since training - Like many Tonka-Plonkas he couldn't see beyond becoming an 'expert' in his field and worked at one place, and on one type, for far too long.
When I heard his seriously worried query I just had to walk away biting my finger.

 

[Wing Warrior]

Another silly officer mistake, reported to me by a member of this site a while ago.

Orificer: The number i dial always seems to be engaged.

Techy: Maybe they are on the phone boss.

Orificer: It's been like this for 2 days.

Techy: What number are you trying to dial boss.

Orificer: 3110

Techy: (After looking at the phone for about 5 seconds) [Laughs]
What's your extension Sir??

Orificer: 3110

Techy: Dumb Fcuk!!!!

 

[goatblower]

OP Jural, 1995.
Jocky comes in all sweaty and almost in tears.......'the jet just fell out of the sky on finals'

Obviously we were a bit bemused and a bit concerned. Jocky was a stroker though so we delved a little deeper.
'Did you have lift dump pre-selected' asked the rigger snec
'eeerrrrr, no. definately not' knob jocky replied.
'Righty oh then sir, we'll look into it'

Leckies milked the data recorder and guess what.... **** had preselected lift dump, bounced about 60 ft on finals at the same time as thrust reverse and spoilers deployed.

Only about 20 hours wasted because bell-end tried to hide the truth.....

 

[Stretchadams]

Lopsided Jet?????

Lopsided Jet?????

In my early liney days, I was assisting the big boy riggers in a mainwheel change on one of our many Tonkas. Having jacked up the left hand leg, I jokingly remarked to the liney doing the turnround that "the jet's looking a little lopsided".
All was well until a horde of Riggers came steaming out of the Rects shed to fix the problem. He'd only gone and snagged the thing, dragging the riggers from their tea break!

 

[ROTORHEAD]

Rects Controller on Wessex to Jockey-- "Are you sure you want that on the job card?"
Jockey (a bit miffed)- "yes, that's what happened!"
Rects Controller (Prior to photocopying and displaying all round squadron) "Whatever you say!"
Entry on jobcard read, "On startup, large jet of fluid came from between pilots legs!"

Fairy in on Harrier (Proper metal one!) at Gut' "Theres a strong smell of oxygen in the cockpit!"
Rigger "Really!"

 

[shouldhavetookredundancy]

Officers

Officers

Some time ago in the deep deep south (78sqn to be exact) there was a loose article on a chinook helicopter, much to the amusement of us SAR boys. After several days of fruitless searching it was passed up to OC Eng & supply (acting as sqn SENGO) to release the A/C for unrestricted flight. He refused and cane down to the sqn to discuss the problem. In fact, despite the best efforts of the JENGO, the SENGO was most vocaly insisting (in the tea bar no less) to the chinook chief that he wouldnt release the A/C until it had been for an inverted flight! This is the sort of man who controlls your destiny.

 

[HughR]

Pilots!

Pilots!

I started fixing Jaguars in 1976 and was told this had happened before I came on the sqn:

A Jag was rolling down the runway (throttles open wide) when the canopy came off. The jockey managed to stop it before it got airborne but the canopy was Cat 5 and the struts at the back knackered.

The pilot swore he had closed and locked it, so the riggers were looking at a rigging problem and set about taking it apart. The seat came out and the cockpit sills were removed.

Later that night, the pilot walked into the hangar in civvies and called the SNCO rigger aside. He apologised and admitted he hadn't locked it!

 

[TheHogwartsBEngO]

I started fixing Jaguars in 1976 and was told this had happened before I came on the sqn:

A Jag was rolling down the runway (throttles open wide) when the canopy came off. The jockey managed to stop it before it got airborne but the canopy was Cat 5 and the struts at the back knackered.

The pilot swore he had closed and locked it, so the riggers were looking at a rigging problem and set about taking it apart. The seat came out and the cockpit sills were removed.

Later that night, the pilot walked into the hangar in civvies and called the SNCO rigger aside. He apologised and admitted he hadn't locked it!

fair's fair - at least the jockey did (eventually) admit his mistake, presumably after some restrospection and dutch courage. He could have let the guys work for days. I would go so far as to call that integrity

 

[Tigger]

Good story from a few moons ago....

A famous ex rugby player, in a canberra with the odd shaped nose,

Crew-in snag on taxy, comms bod sent out to see what problem was,

On opening the door he was confronted with the pilot shouting above the ambient noise that his intercomm and radios had just failed.

Our super sleuth plugged in the pilots pig tail and left.

Cost.... one slab..

This would be the same dikhead who walked into VASS at Kinloss when he was flying Canberras on the tatty ton and said ''Don't you stand up when an officer walks into the room ?''


Ok so how many of us have change wheels coz the jockey landed with the parking brake on ? I have on EH101's , and the **** never even apologised ! At least I had the satisfaction of knowing he did it with the AOC flying in the left seat !!! PMSL

 

[si_gone]

Didn't make the 700....

Didn't make the 700....

IX (B) Tonka GR1 nav returns from sortie and asks what the "NO" button on the TV TAB was for. Sent one of my lads out to turn the "ON" button back up the right way.

 

[wobbly]

Problem: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
Signed Off: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

Problem: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
Signed Off: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

Problem #1: Number 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
Signed Off: Number 2 propeller seepage normal.
Problem #2: Propellers 1, 3, and 4 lack normal seepage.

Problem: The autopilot doesn't.
Signed Off: It does now.

Problem: Something loose in aria.
Signed Off: Something tightened in aria.

Problem: Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear.
Signed Off: Evidence removed.

Problem: Number 3 engine missing.
Signed Off: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

Problem: DME volume unbelievably loud.
Signed Off: Volume set to more believable level.

Problem: Dead bugs on windshield.
Signed Off: Live bugs on order.

Problem: Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 foot per minute descent.
Signed Off: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

Problem: IFF inoperative.
Signed Off: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

Problem: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Signed Off: That's what they're there for.

 

[MingMong]

When I was on VC10's I was the line chief seeing in an aircraft and was summoned to the flight deck to listen to an 'appauling noise on both U/VHF radios, rendering them virtually unuseable for the entire 6 hour sortie'. I borrowed the captain's headset and had a listen and returned the captain his headset and asked him to monitor the systems while I carried out a minor adjustment. The look on his face as I leaned over and switched the squelch on was a picture!

 

[Flipper0465]

Modern riggers....

As a fairy snec on a Tonka sqn we're not really supposed to know much about hyds or dirty bits of the jet, so the young rigger mech thought he'd be quite safe calling me to one side for a bit of advice...

Rigger " Sarge, can you have a look at this risbridger for me, I can't get it onto the jet"
Fairy "no problem mate"

Quick look at connector, nice and clean and no problem.

Fairy " go check that the jet side isn't covered in sand and try again"
Rigger "Definately all clean, but just seems to be wrong size"

Fairy " That might be because that's where the hyd rig goes!"

Photo didn't go round the sqn by the time he'd finished his servicing... honest DT_Xtremez_30:

 

[loafing]

when i was on harriers we sent a jet up for a loose article flight after many unsuccessful searches. upon its return the jockey was asked did you find any thing to which he replied " when i turned it inverted it dropped onto the canopy" to which the techie asked did you grab hold of it to which he replied "did'nt thinkyou wanted it........" dull jockey.

Hmm, I find that hard to believe matey. Loose articles in the cockpit scare the beegees out of us & I think ANYONE I know would have grabbed it & stuck it in their pocket!

 

[Get Tae]

Hyd oil in engines

Hyd oil in engines

Guy on 208 Sqn Buccs many moons ago was servicing one of the jets.
Gets the engine risbridger and finds the can empty.
Goes out to the in use POL cupboard outside the HAS and picks up a can of OM15.
The engine oil can was square and deep whilst the OM15 can obviously round and quite shallow in depth.
Upon trying to fit the engine oil ris into the OM15 can he noticed the stack pipe was too long.
Unperturbed by this small problem he promptly swanned off to stores for a hacksaw an made the risbrodger stack pipe fit and filled the engines up with hyd oil.
Has to be said you cant legislate for stupidness and he was an plumber!!!!