Stupid Snag Awards

[ExJayTee]

C-130 Decca Doppler 62 (C-Comp sh1te!). Crew in from a female Eng. Lat/Long not responding. Quick Look. "Try moving that switch to ON?" Depart back to crewroom. Ah the days of BLSS "E" shift.

 

[Tashy_Man]

can of OM15.
The engine oil can was square and deep whilst the OM15 can obviously round and quite shallow in depth.
Upon trying to fit the engine oil ris into the OM15 can he noticed the stack pipe was too long.
Unperturbed by this small problem he promptly swanned off to stores for a hacksaw an made the risbrodger stack pipe fit and filled the engines up with hyd oil.
Has to be said you cant legislate for stupidness and he was an plumber!!!!

This was a cracking idea as most able chimps were able to tell the difference between square/rectanglular and round......now in yet another round of cost cutting measures (read "cheapest tender") BOTH OM-15 and OX-26 now come in the same size square/rectangular can.....just asking for mistakes to happen.

 

[alberts nose]

During a see off on the mighty C130 K on a cloudless day, I was asked if I knew anything about the radar, being a thick rigger I said no, so he calls out the fairies.
Fairy is told that the radar display is not working properly as it is not picking anything up even though it is sweeping. fairy looks outside and asks the eng to point out exactly which cloud he wants the radar to show. Cue one embarrassed Eng.

albert

 

[230Tiger]

Unit Test Pilot on the mighty wokka came in from a ground run and raised a card saying;
"Heater compartment smells like an old (Vauxhall) Viva"!!!!!!!!!!!!! You work it out!

 

[gemarriott]

Phantom nav reported his Ejection seat shimmyed on the way out of the cockpit.

 

[vim_fuego]

Being the ex-techie now crew on the same aircraft I have to really sit there and think before I call for assistance...There are still a number on the line who know me from of old so I deliberate for that bit longer...Have I checked every button is where it should be before I make a prat of myself...

That said I had a crackling noise over my headset one day and after pondering a while I gave in and called for a fairy...Could not have asked for a nicer bloke (who I knew well) who kindly plodded through the rain to the aircraft...Mulled the problem for 2.7 seconds and turned the volume down on the normally crackly LF radio...

I got one of those looks.....DT_Xtremez_08:

 

[gemarriott]

Being the ex-techie now crew on the same aircraft I have to really sit there and think before I call for assistance...There are still a number on the line who know me from of old so I deliberate for that bit longer...Have I checked every button is where it should be before I make a prat of myself...

That said I had a crackling noise over my headset one day and after pondering a while I gave in and called for a fairy...Could not have asked for a nicer bloke (who I knew well) who kindly plodded through the rain to the aircraft...Mulled the problem for 2.7 seconds and turned the volume down on the normally crackly LF radio...

I got one of those looks.....DT_Xtremez_08:

Well deserved tooDT_Xtremez_31:

 

[Get Tae]

Job card today on NLS at ISK
"LRU ten declared bad, replaced and come good but still bad",
ferked if I know?!!!

 

[Get Tae]

Being the ex-techie now crew on the same aircraft I have to really sit there and think before I call for assistance...There are still a number on the line who know me from of old so I deliberate for that bit longer...Have I checked every button is where it should be before I make a prat of myself...

That said I had a crackling noise over my headset one day and after pondering a while I gave in and called for a fairy...Could not have asked for a nicer bloke (who I knew well) who kindly plodded through the rain to the aircraft...Mulled the problem for 2.7 seconds and turned the volume down on the normally crackly LF radio...

I got one of those looks.....DT_Xtremez_08:

Mmmm had that a few times too, now I aint no fairy but i got the old 'excuse me chief I cant get this RSP to stop making a constant noise in my headset', 'yes sir if you release the TEST TONE button then it goes away dosent it?!', cue red face.

Similar with a Nav raised 707B 'Air Almnac found missing', my card clearance was 'after breif 6 second search air almnac found'. There are two pockets on the side by the nav, because the almnac wasnt in the correct normal top pocket he couldnt be arsed to look any further, aircrew eh................DT_Xtremez_25:

 

[FairyGoodGuy]

Mmmm had that a few times too, now I aint no fairy but i got the old 'excuse me chief I cant get this RSP to stop making a constant noise in my headset', 'yes sir if you release the TEST TONE button then it goes away dosent it?!', cue red face.

Vim::: Mulled the problem for 2.7 seconds and turned the volume down on the normally crackly LF radio...

Been out to many of these in the rain only to deselect the RSP "Test tone" .Give the aircrew the benefit of the doubt if the green test bulb is U/S.. but still deserve "the look"DT_Xtremez_30:

 

[The Bowmeister]

On Det in Turkey on the mighty 14 Sqn, was asked by Rigger Snec to sit in on the Debrief about a CSAS problem, 1st thing the Snec did was ask what "step" it failed on in flight. (To all you non Tonka blokes, you have to open a panel under the R/H intake to get to CSAS bite step display)
Probably explains why this Snec was full time HAS Site manager!!
DT_Xtremez_42:

 

[MontyPlumbs]

Hung paveway II on the mighty carbon fibre vacuum cleaner. Jockey demands to know if the armourers had fitted the carts, tried to blame the SMS etc etc

Turns out he'd not selected the ERU safety lever to flight arm, this was quite obvious because the pistons were firmly pressed against the bomb!!! idiot!

Weird thing is he had turned all of the levers on the empty pylons to arm (as per sop) but not the one on the loaded pylon.

Green suited winged master race? ha, I sh1t em!!!

 

[Realist78]

This was a cracking idea as most able chimps were able to tell the difference between square/rectanglular and round......now in yet another round of cost cutting measures (read "cheapest tender") BOTH OM-15 and OX-26 now come in the same size square/rectangular can.....just asking for mistakes to happen.

Despite representations and pleas to go back to the round tin etc, the body of t1ts? responsible for air safety have said that's it's up to the engineers to read the tin etc and there's been no problems on VC10s etc. Now, that's fine apart from the fact that if people (on Tonkas) get used to the round tin/rectangular tin thing, then it's plain fcuking stupidity to change it FFS. It's yet another example of the tail wagging the dog. Change of contractor and he says that he doesn't supply OM15 in round tins etc. Tw@t who wrote the contract should've said' I want it in round tins, can you supply or shall I take this contract elsewhere?'. What's betting it will have been a Supply Officer type of thing (best intentions, but...ask the fcuking guys on the ground who use the stuff).DT_Xtremez_25:

 

[Tashy_Man]

Despite representations and pleas to go back to the round tin etc, the body of t1ts? responsible for air safety have said that's it's up to the engineers to read the tin etc and there's been no problems on VC10s etc. Now, that's fine apart from the fact that if people (on Tonkas) get used to the round tin/rectangular tin thing, then it's plain fcuking stupidity to change it FFS. It's yet another example of the tail wagging the dog. Change of contractor and he says that he doesn't supply OM15 in round tins etc. Tw@t who wrote the contract should've said' I want it in round tins, can you supply or shall I take this contract elsewhere?'. What's betting it will have been a Supply Officer type of thing (best intentions, but...ask the fcuking guys on the ground who use the stuff).DT_Xtremez_25:

They now have a temporary solution though....create more work by creating a sup in the 700 to record what batch of engine oil is used....bit late if after filling in the sup you find out it was hyd oil...but hey......

Apparently the NEW batches/suppliers will have RED lettering so it's easier to tell which is which !!

Time will tell.......Crack on...............DT_Xtremez_09:

 

[CodeMonkey]

While doing Gun Monkey had the IFF doesn't work(3 times i one day) from different navs + wg cdr qfi, well at least 2 of them realised their mistake, i went up to the cockpit the 3rd time and turned it on for the wg cdr and said "you need that on sir" his repsonse was "why?" to which i replied "because that's what i'm testing sir!", the response was "oh".

Oh anonther baby pilot on a certain tonka OCUsnagged the radio, unfortunately he failed to grasp the term line of sight, despite me trying to educate him

 

[Tashy_Man]

While doing Gun Monkey had the IFF doesn't work(3 times i one day) from different navs + wg cdr qfi, well at least 2 of them realised their mistake, i went up to the cockpit the 3rd time and turned it on for the wg cdr and said "you need that on sir" his repsonse was "why?" to which i replied "because that's what i'm testing sir!", the response was "oh".

We used to get that all the time from the chimps in the cockpit.......but we found a great solution to the problem....DON'T do IFF checks !!!

We moved our line ops from our "Line Hut" to the Hanger....GREAT MOVE.. (NOT) along with all kits etc and the IFF test set....ever since there hasn't been a single IFF check done....now i know it aint right but when the AV SNEC can't be arsed why should I ?

Anyways the chimps don't complain so it must be ok...

Crack on.............DT_Xtremez_09:

 

[Realist78]

They now have a temporary solution though....create more work by creating a sup in the 700 to record what batch of engine oil is used....bit late if after filling in the sup you find out it was hyd oil...but hey......

Apparently the NEW batches/suppliers will have RED lettering so it's easier to tell which is which !!

Time will tell.......Crack on...............DT_Xtremez_09:

Sympathies on this one TM. I have driven into a brick wall and nobody in the officer world is listening. I have repeatedly tried to get them to see common sense but to no avail because the career captions are flashing! FFS boats are v-shaped and therefore designed for rocking.DT_Xtremez_32:

 

[Rigga]

On a civvy 767 last year...

Crew: Flight Deck Door difficult to close and slams loudly.
Line: Door Latches reset - door now slams quietly.

 

[Webbo]

On a cold pan in Labrador crew-in for rigger, SNEC bimbles over to be told by the growbag in the front that his ECS does not work...................to which the rigger replies "start your engines". Brilliant, bring back Goose.

 

[Cake or Death]

after a flight test photocopied 707 comes round to each trade desk entry says:
accelerometer does not reset past 1!!!!!

After flight test sac CoD asks growbag:
CoD: any sooty snags
G:er no
C:ta si...
G:no wait a minute what was it... ah yes nozzle gauge failure flag came up and it failed at 475%.
C: er do you mean t7/tbt guage sir?
G: no of course not
C: well nozzle guage dont go that high sir usually only just to around 100%. t7 /tbt goes from ambient temp up to 820ish
G:no it was definatly the nozzle.

chief went to investigate, growbag said oh yes i got the gauges mixed up!!!!!!!!!!!!